Let's be very clear. I do not buy anything over 100,000 US Dollars if it does not include Free Shipping. Call me a bargain hunter if you like, but that is my hard and fast rule.
Hence, I was very excited to see that Leibish & Co.
the seller of this necklace on Amazon really wants my money, as they are unequivocal in their Free Shipping offer
- Fully Insured - FREE Shipping!
- Return within 30 days for a full refund
Not to mention that 30 day return policy will work in my favor in case Kendall or Caitlyn Jenner refuses to go out on a date with me.
Gone are the days when I expect women to love me just for my borderline personality disorder and medium build. I have accepted the fact that they love me for my millions, and that is fine. It's classic capitalistic coupling, or as I would call it on EtsyDates
, Antique Power Romance
I am not picky as you can tell. Kendall or Caitlyn is fine, Kris or Khloe would be wonderful - if there is anyone with a pulse still available from the Kardashian Krew I am on them like Sysco hollandaise sauce on Eggs Benedict.
Yes, I need the attention to validate my pallid yet belligerent existence. If I am loved by Caitlyn, then I feel I am truly a valuable member of society. If I am berated by Kris, who I pray that when she belittles me is wearing a bespoke bathrobe and is standing there just after she has received a "Reverse Brazilian" (a similar plug treatment to what bald men get, but she doesn't have to wear a bandanna). If that happened, I am validated, as long as I am being filmed and then watched in decent numbers according to Nielsen.
Throwing down 215,000 USD to purchase the most expensive Green Diamond Necklace set in 18K Gold sold on Amazon is something that me and only a small cohort of Alpha Males are able to do.
And when we do it, we feel like Jeff Bezos blasting out into space in our own spaceship. We feel invincible! Invincible tiny specs in a vast uncaring universe where the closest intelligent, sentient life form may be light years away!
We feel the great emptiness that we have carried inside our souls our whole life to be matched by the great emptiness between solar systems. And we know that filling this void by conquering others and spending money on expensive objects was worth it, because we finally we are one with the nothingness that is everything.
And we wave goodbye from our spaceship. Me and Kris, with her hair tucked neatly between her legs...
Using our 18K Gold Bezos Rating Scale, the one most trusted by Golddiggers, we give this necklace 4 out of 5 Bezos. We will happily take it up to 5 out of 5 if we get to second base with Caitlyn, or Khloe carries us around Beverly Hills in a Baby Bjorn.