What is this site, Amazon Prime Rib all about?
We are one of the internet’s most well respected and world renowned satiric shopping sites. People flock to us for our reviews, insights and wit. We are driven to fill the world with our drivel… and along the way give you the best reviews of everything under the Amazon sun.
Please note – as a satiric site, we are not giving you the reviews of the “Best Things on Amazon.“ We are giving you the “Best Reviews of many different things on Amazon.”
Along the way, we will poke fun at our Online Shopping and Database Overlords. Because that is what satire does.
In this hyperbolic age of dissent against every fleck of assent…
in this time of collapse of human decency in order to make humans more decent…
in the world of fakie to fakie 900 degree skateboard moves...
… we realized that you just can’t shop anymore without having every crease in your brain, every orifice in your body, every emotion you ever felt, investigated and assaulted and monetized by data-mongers.
These filthy beasts! Data Sapiens! They just want money off you! Have they no heart? Have they no joy? Have they no sense that fake-newsing old men that want more erections should not be something they do to control elections? Have they no awareness that scaring the suburbs about the city, and vice versa, has only made our lives much worser?!
They don’t care. They could use this data to make our world a better place, but they are not there in mind and body yet.
What are we to do with them? Greed Greed Greedies. Power Power Powernuts.
Well, we say just screw them all and shop, but have fun with it all.
Let us let them know we are aware of their personal invasions, but we do not care.
They do not have our admiration, these digital peeping toms, they have our pity. Will Mark Zuckerberg ever be anything more than our “Facebook Friend?” Will we ever want to hear what’s on Spotify creator Daniel Ek’s Playlist? Will we ever care what sort of fetishes the founder of Pornhub has?
No. They are not us. They are Data Sapiens.
And who is the most important Data Sapiens of them all, at least when it comes to online shopping? Sir Jeffrey Bezos.
And that is why occasionally he or his company may be satirized on Amazon Prime Rib.
Because what’s a little poke in the ribs to a billionaire? Nothing.
So let us and every lawyer in the land, never forget - Satire is a particular genre of writing or performance in which entities and individuals may be ridiculed. Commonly, the object of satire is an individual, company, or government in power. Satire is fun because the individual or entity’s vices or shortcomings may be exaggerated for comedic relief. (Or online shopping!)
This form of commentary can be politically charged and will often cross the line between truth and extreme ludicrousness. While the person or entity in power might find satire offensive, especially if they are thin-skinned, satire is protected by the First Amendment in the USA.
And if we can combine it with finding you some cool things on Amazon, well here’s to all of us.
At its besty best, satire helps society have a conversation about social issues. At its worst, it is those sketches on Saturday Night Live that they save til the end that no one cares about. When satire is focused on politics, it can be construed as political speech, which is the most protected form of speech under the First Amendment. Yep, we protect that speech even when it is now. The Supreme Court in its ruling Citizens United decided that the aphorism, “Money Talks, Bullshit Walks,” should be taken literally, and that money equaled political speech. While most regular humans called Bullshit to this, we were told by the robed arbiters to shut up and Walk away.
Satire allows us, tiny individuals to freely poke fun at leading figures, business, religious and political. And in this case, to also find things on Amazon we need