Women Have No Sense of Humor - Based on My Experiences with this T Shirt

These are the facts as I lived them.

I bought this shirt because I was having problems with females and their gender, and my friend Trent told me that women like to laugh, they love humor.  Trent is pretty good with the ladies - he can talk to them without hand-sweats - and he always has good jokes on 4chan.  We met on an Incel (involuntary celibacy) group on Reddit and we’ve been internet-tight ever since. He’s an anti-Chad. 

So when I saw this “...make me a sandwich t-shirt” I thought it was the icebreaker I needed to help me talk to ladies and finally break my Incel streak that started as soon as I hit puberty.  I needed to try something new. My boycott of the new Star Wars films (PC casting disaster) is not the best icebreaker. Neither is bragging about and showing off my CPR skills, apparently. I showed the shirt to Trent and he agreed, so I bought a few of them and started wearing them this week. 

First complaint: these shirts don’t fit right. I purchased an XL because they didn’t offer 2XL, but according to the measurement chart it was supposed to fit. I had a very difficult time working my way into the shirt, but was able to loosen it up after a short time and it hangs to just over my belly: not too low that it drapes, but not so high that it’s fully exposed. Doable.

I wore it in black with my classic pork pie hat to my favorite coffee shop within a 2km radius on Monday. When the barista asked what I wanted, I said “The usual, m’lady” and she confirmed, “one hot-chocolate, extra chocolate, extra whipped cream coming up,” in her usual dry tone.  When she brought me my drink, I pointed at my shirt and just said, “Smile”. Not sure what her problem was, but now the shirt is stained, but thankfully the extra whipped cream kept my burns very mild.

On Wednesday, I wore the red variation of this shirt to my favorite bar that also has a 5 sliders for 5 bucks night.  I was vaping out back on the patio when a young damsel in distressed jeans happened upon me doing some vapor tricks. I noticed her looking over a couple of times, so I made eye contact and walked over to her. “You vape?” I asked as I handed her my pen. She smiled, took a drag and went into a story about the first time she vaped, while blowing a vapor butterfly.

Women have no sense of narrative, so I became distracted and my mind wandered. As soon as she finished I smiled and pointed to my shirt as if to say “Cool story babe, make me a sandwich,” just a little light humor with a wink and smile. Apparently she needs to lighten up because she threw my vape pen in the fire pit and walked away.

Finally on Friday, I was at my favorite DMV that does not smell like an abattoir, wearing the shirt in green. When I got to the front of the line, the girl behind the counter gave me a look and said there was something wrong with my information and that I was going to have to go to the DMV on the other side of town to renew my license. I suspected it had something to do with my shirt because she looked at it for a good 15 seconds without even checking in the system.  

And this is why I will forever remain an incel, because women have no sense of humor, based on my experiences with this T Shirt.

Using the Amazon Prime Rib rating system which is very useful, in the same way the 1 to 10 rating system of women's appearance is very useful, I give this shirt a 0 out of 5 Bezos, because I am still a virgin.